A Modern Modest Proposal

A MODEST PROPOSAL

For Preventing the White Supremacists and Racists From Being a Burden on Their Constituents or Country, and for Making Them Beneficial to the African Publick

by Steven Kohlbert

2012

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As a student of politics, both national and international, it has come to my attention that there exists, even in this post-Civil War America, a sharp divide between certain members of the White community and people of color. This is highlighted by comments recently expressed in the news and in books published by Republican members of state congresses across the nation advocating the idea that the perpetual slavery of the Black race may have been a blessing in disguise. The reasoning behind this statement being that those fortunate few who survived the institution of slavery until its cessation at the end of the Civil War became citizens of “the greatest nation on earth”. Taking into account the gains of the civil rights movement from that time until the present day, this conclusion- that Blacks eventually became citizens as opposed to merely three-fifths of a non-citizen counted for the purpose of the census- can be accepted as partially true. However, it is certainly distressing to see individuals such as these advocating this position without any first-hand experience with the living conditions inherent in slavery. Rather than simply complaining about this disparity, I instead propose a solution that will be beneficial in many ways, which I shall now discuss.

First, it is very important to understand the historical context for African slavery in the Americas. Begun in the 16^th century by Portuguese traders, slaves- typically from West Africa- originally replaced native laborers on plantations in the Caribbean. From there, the practice expanded to cover the entirety of the American Colonies. However, Abolitionist sentiment in the Northern States eventually led to the diminishing of the institution there, if not an end to the trade itself; it eventually ceased in Union territory with the issuance of the Emancipation Proclamation, which freed all African slaves in areas claimed or reclaimed by Union troops. With the capitulation of the Confederacy and the passage of the Reconstruction Amendments, Africans were finally granted both freedom from slavery where it existed previously, and also full citizenship and equal protection under the law. However, history shows us that traditions of segregation and discrimination lasted long into the next century. Recent events have shown us that this divide was never fully healed.

Part of the justification for this is the erroneous belief that Africans are inherently less civilized than Europeans, a mindset that has prevailed for many a century among the intellectually-challenged. Cited as evidence is Africa's supposed lack of so-called hallmarks of civilization, such as skyscrapers, modern infrastructure, and large-scale food production. To this end, I would like to submit my modest proposal as a way to solve both the problems of apparent African under-development and the ability of White racists to speak about slavery from personal experience.

To state my proposal simply, I would put forward the idea that certain among the White race be eligible for sale into perpetual servitude. This would not apply to all; rather, only those with 1.) a deep-seated hatred or aversion of Black people and 2.) a lack of personal knowledge concerning the institution of slavery would be candidates for such service. This can be ascertained through various methods: analysis of internet, mail, or interpersonal communications; membership in certain groups, clubs, or political organizations; display of or commiseration with symbols known to have connections with any group like those described previously. Additionally, slave status could also be determined by the attitudes held and/or stated by an individual's grandfather on either side of the family, given that the individual holds to the same ideas.

Once prepared for service, White slaves would be gathered at prominent East Coast and Gulf ports like New York City, Charleston, Richmond, and New Orleans, where they would be loaded onto ships bound for the African continent and beyond. In order to facilitate a more realistic experience for our trans-Atlantic voyagers, working replicas of period sailing vessels would need to be constructed from traditional materials using methods proper to the time. Construction of these vessels would be inexpensive as the gathering of materials and the construction proper would obviously be the work of the slaves themselves. While historical African slaves may not necessarily have personally built the vessels that carried them across the Atlantic, it could be argued that this step would be a necessary cost-cutting measure in these tough economic times. Also worth noting is the fact that the United States will incur no debt by this process, as the slaves will be sold on profit in accordance with free-market principles.

The fleet would of necessity follow the current across the Atlantic to ports on the west coast of Africa, a journey of approximately six weeks. As space will be very tight inside the ships, rations for slaves will be restricted to only that which is necessary for survival, though in certain circumstances, even smaller rations may be required. Though not encouraged, this experience will help the slaves prepare themselves for the low-calorie diet inherent of their future lives on African plantations. Additionally, the tight nature of shipboard life will necessitate burial-at-sea for any who unfortunately may perish in the crossing. While safe conveyance of cargo is essential for maintenance of the trade, collateral damage is in some cases unavoidable.

Upon arrival in West African waters, the trading fleet will then separate to distribute their respective cargoes to large ports such as Accra, Lagos, and Monrovia; once there, the slaves will be sold in auction to African landowners and householders. Of necessity, potential buyers will not be obligated to buy a slave's entire family along with an individual. Free-market principles dictate that the owner himself is best-equipped to make decisions regarding his private enterprise, without government or regulation stepping in to mandate the purchase of an entire slave family when only a handful of sundry individuals will suffice. This is further reinforced by the variety of potential occupations for these slaves once they reach their respective plantations or households, which will be discussed presently.

From the ports of West Africa, slaves will be obligated to follow their respective masters to their properties across the continent of Africa and beyond, as circumstances demand. Typical labor could include the following: clearing jungle land for planting; building up infrastructure such as highways, dams, and bridges; farming on existing plantations; even working in their master's house. To ensure that sufficient time is devoted to constructive labors and physical exercise, literacy of slaves will be strongly discouraged where applicable, taking into consideration the prior academic attainments (or lack thereof) of the slave in question.

Here we see the benefit to both the slaves and to the African people as a whole: whereas previously these slaves may have derided the supposed lack of food production and modernity in rural Africa, now they have a unique opportunity to offer themselves selflessly in order to improve conditions for the people of the continent. As standards of living improve for Africans in general, it can be expected that, according to trickle-down economic theory, so too may the lives of the slaves improve, though such evidence is not entirely necessary for the theory to be perpetuated in the minds of men.

Finally, we must consider the hardships that these slaves will undoubtedly encounter, among these are: foreign diseases to which they have no natural immunity; sparse living conditions; lack of clothing, food, and/or clean water; housing insufficient for protection from the elements or family size; physical abuse not limited to whippings, amputation of limbs, attacks by dogs, rape or other forms of sexual abuse; and last but not least, murder or other forms of untimely or unnatural death. While it pains the heart to recognize that such hazards will be inherent to their labor, it also must be borne in mind that despite the illusion of perpetuity, their slavery will most likely not be eternal. Not only will slaves be allowed to purchase their freedom- in relation to the price paid for them in US dollars, as opposed to whatever compensation they may collect in local currency- they will also have the same opportunity given to them that was imparted to the African slaves in days gone by. If, centuries in the future, the respective governments of their new lands decide to end the practice of slavery, these slaves- or at least their distant descendants- will be given the chance to become citizens in their own right, free from service without pay on plantations. Instead, they will likely be able to live in the same hovels they inhabited as slaves, only this time they will be paid wages so small as to be considered insignificant in exchange for their former masters not burning their houses down, sending them to prisons for hard labor, or simply killing them out of hand.

In the end, these future descendants will be able to look back upon the servitude of their ancestors, knowing that in spite of all the many hardships they faced, they are ultimately blessed to be where they now are. Not only that, they will now be able to look African-Americans in the eye and tell them with certainty that they now know what it feels like to be the descendant of a people forced across an ocean to a new land, only to be considered a sub-human beast of burden for many subsequent centuries. The present writer imagines that in that day, many a happy tear will be shed by faces both Black and White. It is worth noting that while the present writer offers the preceding as a modest proposal to be considered by those in positions to mandate such a policy, he also objects himself and his future posterity from such service, as he is not especially adept at manual labor, and has a great love for African contributions to American culture.